Advice
by The Jam Man
Summary: In her glorious quest for Robin's love, Tharja consults his best friend for advice on how to win his heart.


**AN: Just a fun fanfic. Enjoy.**

When Tharja slinked into his tent that night, Chrom fought to keep the incredulous look off his face. Ever since she'd joined the Shepherds, the dark mage had mostly kept to herself. The two had hardly spoken, save for to exchange orders. "Yes?" He managed, trying his best to look busy and dignified. He was vaguely aware she was nursing a Ruin tome dangerously. Chrom wondered if his reign was over. Though, instead of cracking it open, Tharja simply sat down across from him, much to his relief, and gave him a rather serious look from across his makeshift desk. "Chrom," She mused, setting the tome on the desk with a dull thump before continuing. "You and Robin are friends, am I correct?" Her eyes glinted, deadly serious, but her cheeks pinkened a little. "Uhm, yes. Robin and I are friends." Chrom informed, rubbing his neck absently. Tharja leaned closer. "GOOD friends?" She asked, Chrom nodded. She swallowed dryly. "Are you lovers?" Tharja pressed, and at this Chrom's regal composure shattered. "H-huh?" He sputtered, cheeks blistering fantastically. "N-no! Robin and I are not, nor have we ever been lovers!" He finally choked out, the thought of him and his tactician romantically involved assaulting him with a medley of very unpleasant mental images. Tharja hummed contemplatively. "Hmmm….I don't believe you." She said sagely, and Chrom gawked in disbelief. Tharja folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes demanded explanation, and Chrom felt as if he'd faint. "Honestly! He's JUST my friend!" Chrom stressed, and Tharja weighed his words dutifully, before finally relinquishing a satisfied, "Good." Chrom sunk back, relieved. Where there rumors of Robin and him…..? He didn't dwell on it, mostly because Tharja began talking again. "If you and Robin are not lovers…..perhaps you can help me with….a project." She said cloyingly, a grin apparent on her face. Chrom could hardly manage a nod. "Sure, I-I could do my best." He mused, cautious. Tharja laughed manically. "It's settled then!" She said with finality, and Chrom felt sweat run down his back. "What do you need my help with?" He asked, trying to remain composed. He had no idea what project Tharja was referring to, but given her previous questions, he dreaded it. "As you know, Robin is luscious," She began simply. Chrom pretended she'd never made such a remark. "Uh, and…?" He was eager to find out just what he'd have to be doing. "Let me clarify. Robin is luscious and I am determined to make him…" A crooked grin stretched across her face. "Mine." The words were spoken with such conviction, Chrom was offput. She looked at him dutifully. "You know Robin. You know what he likes." She mused, and Chrom nodded. "I suppose I do." He said with a shrug, and she smiled that sick smile again. "Wonderful, wonderful. Now, what must I do to win him over?" Chrom found himself flustered once more by the question. "What?" He asked, and Tharja clenched her fists in annoyance. "How many times must we go over this? Robin is luscious and you know him best of all. What sorts of things does he like in a future wife?" She stated, and Chrom struggled to find an answer. How should HE know what Robin likes in women? But, Tharja's cold glares demanded a clearance. "W-we haven't discussed this much as of late. I don't know much of what Robin likes in a woman." He said, bowing his head sheepishly. Tharja let loose a frustrated sigh. "Great," She muttered. "Now, what am I supposed to do?" The girl, resolutely downtrodden, cursed a few solemn times just quiet enough for Chrom not to hear. Though, Chrom felt he'd failed somehow, even if he was only being honest, and a twinge of guilt seized him. This was…..weird. But he still had an obligation to help Tharja. I mean, she'd fought for his cause with her magic, and won him battles with her strength. He inhaled focusedly. "Wait. I may not know of Robin's…...er…...women preferences, but I know lots of other things about him. Favorite novels, favorite foods, favorite color, would any of this help you?" Chrom tried, and Tharja spared a glance upwards at this. "Hmmmm," She hummed, and the sick little grin tugged at her lips once again. "I suppose it could, after all." At this, Chrom sighed in relief. "What would you like to know, Tharja?" Came the question amiably, and her answer came instantly. "Absolutely everything."

Chrom spouted out facts at random. "Okay then…..let's see," He'd begun, before going off. "Robin's favorite color is white." At this, Tharja scowled. "I may need to dye this." She drawled, picking up a lock of her dark hair. Chrom winced, but continued. "He eats pretty much anything, but he likes potatos best." She looked contemplative. "Perhaps I could conjure some up for him?" Chrom couldn't believe what was happening here. "H-his favorite novel is Gone With the Elwind." Tharja suddenly looked up "You mean he likes that sort of romantic dripe?" She asked, shocked, and Chrom nodded with a smirk. "He loves romantic stories." The man affirmed, and Tharja's cheeks pinkened again. "I-I would have never thought….." She breathed, and Chrom chuckled easily. "Oh yeah, he's a total hopeless romantic. He really has a soft spot for that kind of stuff." He felt bad, spilling all of this information on his friend. But, Robin honestly did take his obsession with romance too far. Chrom remembered Robin's crusades in pairing people in the army up with one another, solely because he thought they'd make a fine couple, and he there was also a time where his trustworthy tactician had insisted that Cordelia had had a crush on him. Robin was smart, that was true, but he couldn't believe it- Cordelia of all people? THAT certainly was not true at all, right? Right? Chrom would dwell on it another time, he had a dark mage to help out. As said mage contemplated this new information, Chrom couldn't help but find himself continuing. "Hmmmm, Robin really likes chess." This didn't surprise her in any way. "Figures he would," She mused. "Being brilliant." Chrom laughed. "Yes, Robin likes any game where he always wins. But, if you could beat him, he'd never forget it." At Chrom's words, Tharja nearly jumped. "R-really?" She asked, eyes sparking excitedly. "Mhmm. He's always going on about how if he anyone 'knocked him from his throne as chess king', they'd be the one person he'd respect indefinitely." He chuckled. Tharja, though, had gotten what she'd needed. A plan. "If I could beat him, surely he'd recognize me as his future wife!" She proclaimed ecstatically. What had he done? "Tharja," Chrom said quickly, an offbeat attempt at calming the dark mage down. "I mean no offense by this, Robin has never lost a game of chess. To anyone. Ever." Though, his words seemed to only fuel her fire. "So, when I beat him, he will be mine for certain." She cackled. Chrom sighed. "I mean, he'd amazing at it. Beating him will be a challenge." Chrom ascertained sadly. Tharja's grin faded. "Especially considering I haven't played chess since I was a child." She mused, and Chrom bowed his head in shame. "I've played ever since I was a child, and I still haven't beaten him." The prince said, Tharja sneering at him. "I've lost so many times," He continued, an awkward attempt at consoling her. It failed but not entirley. "Wait! You say you've played against him many times?" He nodded plainly. "Hah! So you know how he plays!" She barked, shoving an accusing finger in his face. Chrom blushed. "I suppose so. He plays chess like its a battlefield. But I've never found a way to get around his style…." The man said, though Tharja was nursing a deadly smirk. "Then, train me!" She erupted, rising from her seat abruptly. Chrom gawked. With an indignant, "What?!", he stared up to meet her eyes. "Simple. You've played Robin so many times, you know his strategies. Teach them to me, and I will find a way to counter them. "The girl demanded, and Chrom's jaw hit the floor. "I haven't been able to best his strategy through fortnights of play! How would you do it?" He questioned, though Tharja's reply was smug and simple. "i'm smarter than you, milord." And the milord was said sarcastically. VERY sarcastically. Chrom was far too overwhelmed to be offended, for here was a girl he barely knew demanding he tutor her in CHESS of all things so she could win the heart of his dearest friend. He had no idea what to say, and it wasn't until Tharja muttered something that he left his revelry. It was quick and slurred, but he caught it nonetheless. "Please." She'd said, and he caught the faintest glimmer of offbeat hope in her eyes. And Chrom said, "Ok." With a riotous laugh, Tharja grabbed her Ruin tome, and informed Chrom she'd be by tomorrow night for her lessons. With that, she walked off promptly, muttering about getting herself her own copy of "Gone With The Elwind". Chrom was left stunned in her wake. His mouth hung open for a while. This had all happened so quickly. How was he playing matchmaker between a diabolical dark mage and his dearest friend? Why didn't he just go to bed early tonight? How would he even emulate Robin's chess expertise? Chrom blinked dully. Robin'd always enjoyed playing matchmaker. Maybe he'd enjoy it as well. Maybe.


End file.
